Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
