When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
