I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
