she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
