He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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