Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
