mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
