Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
