I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
