The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
