lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
