***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
