you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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