my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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