Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
