just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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