If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Green mimosas i think yes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
