well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
