I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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