before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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