I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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