he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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