You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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