he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
