Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
