I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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