The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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