Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
