i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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