so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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