i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
