I'm jealous of your bromance
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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