Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
