i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
