Jerry, you need to find god
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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