Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
