Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
