you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
