It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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