matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
