i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
