is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
