I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
