I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My feet surprised me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
