i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
