Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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