Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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