Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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