I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
