it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
